Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
