i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
