I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
