I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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