sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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