just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
