Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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