I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
