my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
