apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
