Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
