Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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