I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
