i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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