is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So vagazzling was a success
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
