Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
