You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
honey bunches of taint.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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