Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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