Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's never too late to be topless.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
