Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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