He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
