I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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