grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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