Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
