I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
