Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
