Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
