She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
