She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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