one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
