What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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