I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
