I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
