why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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