I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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