she looked like the before picture.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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