Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she smelled like a LAN party
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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