I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
