i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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