no, he came in my armpit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
