She said her name was "party"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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