So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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