you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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