the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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