Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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