Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
