she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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