i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
