I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
