hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
