first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
