I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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