Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
