She said her name was "party"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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