so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
